XHOSE (expanding garden hose) – A Marketing Review

The overhead sun slowly bakes you as you stumble through the knee-high weeds to the back of the house.

You had already designated the 4:30-5 pm time slot today for watering the garden, but the baseball game you were watching on TV was just hit with a rain delay.  The wife also noticed the rain delay and suddenly had that look in her eye.  No, not that look, but rather the look she gives you when she’s about to ask you to complete a favor (i.e. chore or task).  Oh look, you now have some free time.  Honey, can you . . . You know, one of those repairs or tasks that you’ve been promising to complete for the past three weeks.

Seeking a quick escape from the pestering that you know is going to happen, you opt to take care of the garden now rather than later.  You snatch a cold beer from the fridge, grab your hat and sunglasses, and make a quick exit out the back door.  The intense heat from the sunshine and high humidity hits you immediately.  You pause for a moment to chug half the can of ice cold beer before finding the garden hose.

Ah, there it is now.

Sadly, your garden hose reel looks nothing nearly as nice as the one in the picture.  Your cheap garden hose reel is broken and barely functions as a reel.  It’s filthy, the hose never stays tightly wound in the middle, and the cheap piece of plastic resembling a useful device just plain sucks.  The thing barely even works.  It doesn’t help that next door’s kid always laughs and points at your miserable excuse for a garden hose reel.

After dragging the plastic garden hose reel through the weeds, stopping twice to pick up assorted odds and ends that keep falling off the hose reel, you finally make it to the outdoor spigot.  You attach the hose assembly to the spigot and begin unwinding the hose from the reel.  Sweat drips down your face as you keep turning the wheel, swearing under your breath how much you hate the damn assembly, until you finally have enough hose to reach the garden.  With a triumphant turn of the handle, you send water flowing through your horrible excuse for a garden hose.

Until it stops at a kink.

Mo&$%*#%@&er!

You walk over to the kink and start twisting and freeing the hose.  Water resumes flowing until it hits a second kink.  It takes another moment of adjusting until water once again resumes flowing.  You now finally have water pressure at the end of the hose.

While watering the garden, you can’t help but wonder just how much of a task it is to pull out the hose and water some stupid plants.  Or a dirty car.  Or the neighbor’s annoying cat that keeps defecating on your front porch.  Revenge will finally be yours one of these days!  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

There has to be a simpler way of using an outdoor hose.  You know, some other method that doesn’t involve better ways to store the garden hose for easier access, or even investing in a slightly better quality garden hose.  As the plants are being watered, you take another few sips of beer.  The alcohol helps dull the ache from the upcoming chore of turning off the water and returning the garden hose to the rear of the house.

What’s this?

The XHOSE?  A lightweight garden hose that expands and contracts?

XHOSE website — www.xhose.com

The concept of an expanding and contracting garden hose sounds interesting.  Let’s take a look at the XHOSE TV commercial and see just what they’re trying to sell us.

XHOSE TV commercial

Wow.  Didn’t that just look awesome?  Let’s take a closer look at the TV commercial and see what just those people are trying to sell us.

XHOSE TV commercial – Don’t you hate it when neighbors see you playing with your hose?

Okay, how many of you have been caught fumbling with your hose?

Good.  Admitting to a problem is the first step in treating it.  Now how many of you people have been caught playing around with your garden hose?

Hose problems aren’t limited to being a male-only problem.  Women are just as likely to have some sort of problem with their garden hose as does a man.  Cheap garden hoses and improper storing techniques can easily lead to the hose’s deterioration, thus making it more prone to kinking and leaking.

XHOSE TV commercial – Don’t worry, the hose’s shrinkage is intentional!

Up next we’re treated to a quick demonstration of the XHOSE.  As we see, the XHOSE magically expands with the flow of water, growing up to three times its contracted size.  When you turn off the spigot and release the water, you’ll see the XHOSE quickly* shrink back to its normal size.

* Take note that the TV commercial has text that states: “Time reduced for demonstration purposes.“  In other words, do NOT expect the XHOSE to expand or contract as quickly as you see it do so in the TV commercial.  Need more evidence that time has been compressed in the TV commercial?  When you see the scenes of the hose expanding and contracting, watch the background and see how fast things (plants, people, etc.) are really moving.

XHOSE TV commercial – ‘It’s . . . so . . . bald . . . errrrrr . . . heavy!’

Up next we see Captain Chrome Dome showing us how heavy it is to collect and hold a garden hose.  Yeah, a 100-foot garden hose is going to weigh a few pounds.  As far as a common 25- or even 50-foot garden hose, my grandmother can pick it up and carry it.  No, they’re not super lightweight, but most people can handle moving around a simple garden hose.

XHOSE TV commercial – Smile, kids!  You’re in a TV commercial!  Look happy, dammit!

Ah, yes, the classic marketing technique of distracting you with a couple of kids.  Gee, don’t they look cute?  Maybe now they’ll help contribute with the yard work.

On a side note, I wonder just how durable of a product the XHOSE is when you consider its material and weight.  Is it more likely to be damaged when it’s contracted?  Is it more susceptible to being punctured and springing a leak?

XHOSE TV commercial – Despite the cold water, the hose still grows!

It keeps growing, and growing, and growing . . .

Just like that 25- or 50-foot garden hose hanging neatly inside your garage, the XHOSE can also achieve those mighty lengths.  Hooray!

XHOSE TV commercial – It uses super secret techniques!

And just how does the XHOSE manage to expand and contract up to three times its length?

The secret lies with the “eXpandable inner hose.”  Don’t bother asking any details about how the garden hose really works because, like many as-seen-on-TV product commercials, they aren’t going to tell you anything useful.  Some companies use flashy buzz words.  Others make ordinary words seem special (such as “eXpandable” with the uppercase X).  And yet other commercials will leave out all details altogether.

All we need to know here is that there are TWO hoses as part of the special XHOSE configuration.  The fancy computer animation confirms this fact.

XHOSE TV commercial – Just how strong is it?

Don’t blink or you’ll miss this quick example supposedly showing off the strength and durability of the XHOSE.  It looks like he’s using a mallet or hammer to strike hard enough to supposedly crack the concrete underneath the XHOSE.

Of course, the hose has water pressure for this example, and the guy is striking with a wide item.  He’s not using a hammer with a smaller head, and he’s certainly not driving over the XHOSE with a car or truck like I’ve seen in other hose demonstrations.

This sort of “strength” example is equivalent to a person lying on a bed of nails.  Since the driving force is distributed across a large area, the impact is better distributed across the material.  Since the hose is flexible and has an outer layer of mesh, it’ll easily withstand a few strikes with a mallet.  It’s all about the distribution of energy when the flat head of the hammer strikes the hose and concrete.

XHOSE TV commercial – Oh no!  It’s a kink!  Ahhhhhhhhh!

Can you believe it?  That damn garden hose kinked again!  Grrrrr.

Yeah, many garden hoses are liable to kink and stop the flow of water.  This commonly occurs when hoses A) get old, B) they’re improperly stored, and C) not used properly.

Now intentionally kinking a hose is a different matter.  We used to have fun playing around with garden hoses and intentionally stopping the flow.  Somebody would always have the open end by their face when trying to figure out when the water suddenly stopped.  Just when they least expect it — SPLASH!

XHOSE TV commercial – It reaches the highest of second-story windows, making Bernoulli proud.

Does the XHOSE have a smaller diameter than a normal garden hose?

This example would suggest that it does.

As we know, it’s generally difficult to reach the upper windows of a house without the aide of a ladder or pressure washer.  Even if you have a really good nozzle, ordinary garden hoses have a hard time putting out enough pressure to send water that high off the ground.

Thanks to physics, we know that an increase in the speed of a fluid increases proportionately with an increase in both its dynamic pressure and kinetic energy.  When water flows at a steady rate through a tube, and the diameter of the tube decreases, the speed of the water increases.  This is the same as putting your thumb over the end of a garden hose to make it spray the water at a faster rate.

So with this in mind, it’s likely that the XHOSE has a smaller diameter than a “normal” garden hose.  I just wonder how much pressure the water still has when it reaches the upper-floor windows.  Can it actually do any cleaning, or is it more for show?

XHOSE TV commercial – It’s that damn hose reel again!

Once again we’re facing our fear of dealing with those cheap, plastic hose reels.

Yes, this can be a problem with garden hose reels if you don’t take the few extra seconds to make sure that you’re reeling in the hose properly.  Believe it or not, but it takes a little bit of something known as EFFORT to use an item like that properly.

The bigger issue with the cheap, plastic versions of those hose reels are with the main frame and plastic wheels.  It’s a freaking nightmare trying to use one of those pieces of crap when the plastic frame starts to break or when the incredibly cheap wheels decide to freeze and threaten to break if you force it to roll.  Yes, I’m speaking from experience here.

Hopefully the XHOSE is significantly easier to store and carry around than a 50- or 100-foot garden hose.

XHOSE TV commercial – Like a cobra in a basket, a massive 75-foot hose can fit in a flower pot!

Now the commercial needs one of those Indian snake charmers to extract the hose and bring it to life.  He can play a merry little tune on his flute and make the hose dance around the patio.  That would be awesome!

As a selling point, we see that even the longest of the XHOSE designs can shrink to an incredibly small size, making storage very easy.  Just don’t forget where you store the hose, and try not to damage it when it’s all shriveled up and contracted upon itself.

Take note that the XHOSE’s instruction manual warns against leaving the hose in the sun.  A large flower pot, like the one in the TV commercial, may not properly shade the XHOSE or allow it to drain completely after use.

XHOSE TV commercial – You can even use it to wash your car!

In this shocking display of the hose’s versatility, apparently you CAN use the hose to wash your car.  Amazing!  I wonder if I can also do that with the 25-foot “regular” garden hose sitting behind the house.  It might be easier than just filling and tossing buckets of water on the car over and over and over again.

XHOSE TV commercial – It’s time to whip out the ol’ credit card.

At the end of the TV commercial we’re hit with the product’s promotion.  Unlike many other as-seen-on-TV commercials, apparently the XHOSE is not forcing you to accept any “free” offers.  This is just for the hose itself plus shipping and handling.

The final cost of the product is going to depend on the size of XHOSE you want to purchase.

• The 25-foot expandable XHOSE costs $19.95 + $6.95 S&H — a GRAND TOTAL of $26.90.

• The 50-foot expandable XHOSE costs $39.95 + $7.95 S&H — a GRAND TOTAL of $47.90.

• The 75-foot expandable XHOSE costs $49.95 + $8.95 S&H — a GRAND TOTAL of $58.90.

• The 100-foot expandable XHOSE costs $59.95 + $9.95 S&H — a GRAND TOTAL of $69.90.

Take note that the longest XHOSE for sale is actually the 50-foot XHOSE.  The website states that the 75-foot and 100-foot hoses are really a combination of a 25-foot and 50-foot hose, and two of the 50-foot hoses.  You have to connect the XHOSES to reach those longer lengths.

When you factor in the item’s cost plus shipping and handling, the best deal is for the 100-foot XHOSE (in actuality it’s two sections of 50-foot XHOSE).  For $69.90 you’re paying roughly $0.69 per foot of XHOSE.  For the 25-foot XHOSE you’re paying about $1.07 per foot of XHOSE.

WARNING – Be careful if you enter your credit card company and press the “Order Now” button.  Many of these as-seen-on-TV company websites do NOT give you a final confirmation screen before accepting your CC number.

FINAL THOUGHTS

While the XHOSE looks fancy the way it expands and contracts, one has to question the product’s durability and ability to perform compared to an ordinary garden hose.

The TV commercial for the XHOSE was a little bit deceiving the way that time was compressed when showing the XHOSE expanding and shrinking so quickly.  I don’t qualify this as false advertising as you’re still seeing the full product, but this editing trick is rather deceiving.  After all, when used properly, the XHOSE should still expand and contract.  It just might take an extra moment or two than advertised.

The biggest selling factors for the XHOSE deal with its small size and weight, plus the advertised fact that apparently it never kinks.  If you’re a person who commonly has problems with garden hoses being too bulky or always kinking on you, then perhaps the XHOSE may be the product for you.

Just remember to follow the XHOSE’s instruction manual to get the most out of it.

For me, it would still take a lot more convincing to purchase an XHOSE versus a regular garden hose.  Many garden hoses are more durable and kink resistant compared to older garden hoses.  Walmart’s website offers a decent 60-foot garden hose for around $19, and that includes free shipping to a local store.  Sure, I have to do a little bit more work with a hose like this, but it still works AND there’s a substantial difference in price between it and the XHOSE.

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All of the XHOSE commercial images were screenshots of a TV commercial currently available on Youtube.  For more product information, please visit the company’s website at www.Xhose.com.

XHOSE is a registered trademark.

RellimZone.com is not affiliated with XHOSE.