Movie Review – Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
Back in the 1950s and 60s there was a boom in science-fiction films.
These films covered everything from exploring the Moon, Mars, and outer space to battles with alien invaders to horrific monsters destroying cities. It was just a matter of time before that theme was combined with Santa Claus and the Christmas theme.
Released in 1964, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was directed by Nicholas Webster. As far as the cast, take note that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a relatively low-budget B-film. The only semi-famous names that you may or may not recognize would most likely be those of Bill McCutcheon, Pia Zadora, and Ned Wertimer.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians begins on a musical note with children singing “Hooray for Santy Claus.” The sound quality and vocals sound just as you would expect for a children’s song from the early 1960s.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
After that a news station, KID-TV, sends reporter Andy Henderson (Ned Wertimer) to the North Pole to interview Santa Claus (John Call) at his workshop. The elves are all busy making toys in Santa’s workshop, but Santa is confident that everything will be ready for delivery on Christmas Eve. Two of the latest toys are that of a toy rocket and a doll that looks like a green Martian.
Meanwhile on Mars, the Martian children are becoming more overstressed. They’re not eating or sleeping like they should, and they’re spending their days watching too much Earth television. This trend is making Kimar (“King Martian” — Leonard Hicks) more concerned about the future of the Martian race.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
Kimar finds his two children, Bomar (“Boy Martian” — Chris Month) and Girmar (“Girl Martian” — Pia Zadora), sitting in front of the television and watching the Earth channels. They children are confused as they’re watching the interview with Santa Claus from the North Pole, but they’re fascinated with the concept. Instead of going to sleep as their father orders, the Martian children want to see more of Santa Claus and the toys.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
To help solve this problem, Kimar has Voldar (Vincent Beck) and his assistants join him while speaking with Chochem (Carl Don), an 800-year-old Martian being that’s considered an all-knowing genius. Voldar is against the idea of speaking with Chochem. He thinks that they should be making their own decisions without needing to consult Chochem. Nevertheless, Kimar calls upon Chochem for his advice on how to solve the problem with the Martian children.
Chochem says that it’s early December back on Earth, and that’s why the Martian children are seeing Santa Claus on Earth’s television channels. He then goes on to say how the children on Mars really aren’t children. Their bodies may be small but their minds are operated like adults. Chochem claims to have seen this problem in the making for centuries. The Martian children must learn how to play and act like true children. They need a Santa Claus on Mars.
Kimar decides that they’ll go to Earth and kidnap Santa Claus. Earth has had him for long enough. Now it’s time for him to spread joy to the children on Mars. Voldar scoffs at this idea and thinks it’ll only hurt the Martian children, but Kimar insists and leads the mission to Earth.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
The Martian spaceship flies to Earth and begins scanning the population to find Santa Claus. They orbit over New York City and quickly spot Santa standing outside of a store. Then they spot another Santa and then another one. There are hundreds of “Santa Claus” people in this one city alone. Which one is the real Santa?
The children would know!
A news broadcast reports that an unidentified object has been spotted on radar orbiting the Earth. It’s not an American satellite, nor is it a Russian one. The radar stations continue to track the mysterious object and the military begins preparing in case of trouble.
The Martians try to activate their radar shield, but it’s malfunctioning. The reason for the malfunction is fairly simple. Dropo (Bill McCutcheon) had been stowing away inside of the “radar box” on the spaceship. He really wanted to visit Earth, so he hid on the spaceship to join the crew on their mission. Once Dropo is out of the “radar box” the ship’s radar shield works and it successfully cloaks itself from Earth radar signals.
A new news report claims that the mysterious object orbiting the Earth either disintegrated in space or it has a way of cloaking itself. The U.S. Air Force assumes the later and begins scrambling some fighters and bomber aircraft. This includes the F-101 Voodoo, F-102 Delta Dagger, and the B-52 Stratofortress.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
Meanwhile, two children, Billy (Victor Stiles) and Betty (Donna Conforti), are sitting in a field and listening to the news reports about the unidentified object that disappeared from radar. Suddenly the Martians appear from behind some trees and spook the kids. Kimar informs the kids that they have children just like them back on Mars. When Kimar asks Billy about finding Santa Claus, Billy tells him that there’s only one. The Santas that the Martians saw in the city were merely Santa’s helpers. The *real* Santa Claus lives at the North Pole. Voldar has his crew the children and taking them with them to the North Pole. If not they’re liable to warn Santa Claus of their plan.
On board the Martian spaceship, Billy and Betty are impressed with the technology. Dropo makes friends with them while explaining how the ship works.
The spaceship lands at the North Pole, and the Martians leave the ship. Billy and Betty climb out of their hiding place. Before leaving to warn Santa, Billy sabotages part of the ship. Should they leave Earth with Santa, he wants to make sure that the ship will be spotted on radar so that the U.S. can follow them and launch a rescue mission. Billy and Betty climb out of the spaceship before the Martians leave to capture Santa.
Outside the spaceship, Voldar informs Kimar that the children have escaped. Their small footprints are spotted in the snow. The Martians follow the tracks and try to re-capture the children.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
Billy and Betty spot a Martian and hide in a small cave. A polar bear finds them, but it’s unable to enter the cave. Once the bear is gone the kids go outside and spot a pair of lights. They think that it’s lighting from Santa’s workshop, but the lights really belong to a large robot. The children are frozen with fear as the robot easily grabs them. Suddenly the Martians appear and Voldar orders the robot to crush the children, but it doesn’t obey. The robot only obeys Kimar’s instructions. The children are returned to the spaceship while the rest of the Martians set out to kidnap Santa Claus.
Kimar sends the robot in through the front door of Santa’s workshop. The Martians are puzzled when Santa thinks that the robot is a toy and not a menacing machine. They enter the workshop and use a special ray gun to temporarily paralyze the elves. Mrs. Claus is also paralyzed when she enters the room and wants to know why the elves aren’t working. Santa really isn’t angered by the Martians and he allows them to kidnap him.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
News reports jump on the story of the Martians kidnapping Santa Claus. The nations of the world unite to help rescue Santa. American astronauts launch on a rocket and try to pursue the Martian spaceship. The rescue story ends there. We don’t hear anything else about any rescue efforts during the remainder of the film.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
On the Martian spaceship, Santa Claus entertains the children and their Martian captors as well. Suddenly everybody who talks with Santa has a great time, especially Dropo. But not Voldar. Voldar takes Santa and the children on a tour of the ship. He shows them the airlock and tries to blast them out into space, but Santa uses his magic and saves them. Santa waves it off as simply a misunderstanding and not a death threat.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
The spaceship lands on Mars and Kimar and his wife, Momar (“Mom Martian” — Leila Martin), take in Billy and Betty as if they were their own children. The Earth children meet with Bomar and Girmar, and all of the children become acquainted with one another.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
Kimar sets up a workshop for Santa Claus, and he along with Billy, Better, Bomar, Girmar and Dropo begin working and preparing for the Martian Christmas. As Betty reads the Martian letters to Santa, Santa operates the electronic switchboard and the others collect the toys off the assembly belt. It’s a modern factory and a little too boring for Santa. But he’s there to make the Martian children happy, so he gladly does his work.
Meanwhile, Voldar is still upset about Santa Claus being there on Mars. He thinks that the whole concept of Santa and Christmas will corrupt the Martian children and turn them away from Mars’ history of being warriors. He plots to kidnap Santa from his workshop on Mars and eliminate him.
After the work shift is finished, Santa retires for the night. Kimar informs Santa that he’s not going to be returned to Earth as the Martian children need him too much. Santa Claus is now a permanent resident on Mars. Oddly enough, Santa doesn’t seem to be too disappointed by this news.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
That night Dropo puts on Santa’s spare outfit. He uses a pillow to simulate the extra weight and really gets into the role. He suddenly becomes more jolly and sings and dances his way to the workshop to continue working. Voldar’s men are waiting for him, and after sabotaging the production machine, they capture Dropo thinking that he’s the real Santa Claus. They take him back to their cave before carrying out the execution.
The next morning it’s noticed that Dropo is missing. So is Santa’s extra suit. Santa figures that Dropo is wearing the suit and he’s probably already working at the workshop. But when they arrive there, Dropo is nowhere to be found. On top of that the machine is malfunctioning and none of the toys look correct.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
Voldar and one of his men, Stobo, go back to the workshop to make a deal with Kimar. They use the kidnapped Santa Claus as blackmail. Voldar’s demands to Kimar are simple. He wants Kimar to destroy the workshop, send Santa and the kids back to Earth, and to not give the Martian children any joy through toys. Voldar is shocked though when Kimar reveals that Santa is really right there in the workshop, and not in Voldar’s secret cave.
Kimar arrests Voldar and Stobo and places them in a closet until their trial. This doesn’t last as Voldar and Stobo fight Kimar and escape from their temporary prison. Voldar then takes a ray gun and goes into the workshop to confront Santa Claus. But Santa has a plan!
When Voldar starts threatening Santa, the Earth and Martian children ambush Voldar and use the toys as weapons. This distracts Voldar long enough for Kimar to return with reinforcements and arrest Voldar a second time. Dropo had escaped from the cave, and Stobo and Shim are arrested as well. The uprising is over and Santa is safe on Mars.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – (c) Embassy Pictures Corporation
Kimar has a change of heart and allows Santa Claus along with Billy and Betty to return to Earth. The new Christmas tradition will remain on Mars with Dropo taking over the role of Santa Claus, becoming Dropo Claus.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians ends as everybody says goodbye and a spaceship carries Santa Claus and Billy and Betty back to Earth on Christmas Eve.
So is Santa Claus Conquers the Martians a good film?
That depends how you define a “good” film.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a low-budget science-fiction film that puts a classic Christmas icon against a Martian society. The plot is simple, the story has several plot holes and unexplained / useless concepts, and the make-up and special effects are really bad. How this story was ever sold and became a full-length film is beyond me.
One needs to remember that this film was released back in 1964 during the glory days of the Space Race against the Soviets. It was a time period where many science-fiction films took viewers to distant worlds and pitted Earthlings against Martians and other creatures. This film is an extremely simplistic look at Martians (who look, talk and act very similar to Americans) and how their children would be better off with a figurehead like Santa Claus.
There is no “conquering” in this film. Santa doesn’t fight back in this movie. He gives in and allows himself to be kidnapped and taken to Mars. Nobody forces him to work in the Martian version of his workshop. Nor does he fight back against Voldar and stop his little rebellion. It’s the kids who fight against Voldar in the end, distracting him long enough until more adults arrive to place him back under arrest. So, yeah. So much for conquering any Martians.
This is a film where little green men from Mars are actually regular sized people with green face paint. Oddly enough, many of the Martians’ hands aren’t so green —- they’re Caucasian. The costumes look like a middle school’s class project, and the interior of the Martian spaceship looks just as bad. It’s kind of funny how the Martians would label something highly sophisticated such as a “radar box,” and even using the English alphabet and words as well. Wouldn’t the Martians have their own style of writing? Perhaps they learned to write that way after watching so much Earth television up there on the red planet.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) – movie trailer
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a film best enjoyed when surrounded by friends and drinking heavily. In no time you’ll be laughing and joking about the incredible situations and great amount of silliness in this film. DO NOT GO INTO THE FILM EXPECTING TO TAKE IT SERIOUSLY! Seriously. These days a movie like this is best classified as a comedy because of its age, low-budget, bad acting, terrible costumes, and generally lame plot.
Billy – “You’ll never get away with this, you Martian!”
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Voldar – “If we take them with us to Mars, Santa’s disappearance will remain a mystery. No one on Earth will ever know that Santa Claus was kidnapped by Martians.”
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TV News Announcer – [News report after Santa’s disappearance] “And Mrs. Claus has positively identified the kidnappers as Martians.”
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Kimar – “Santa, you will never return to Earth, you belong to Mars now.”
Santa Claus – “Ho, Ho, Hoooo…”