Stretchkins (Stretching Kids’ Toy) – A Marketing Review

It’s another day in the summer and your kids are yet again sitting on the couch and playing video games.

As they periodically pause the game and grab a handful of potato chips and wash it down with another gulp of soda (followed by the traditional belch), you can only wonder how your precious little snowflakes transformed into couch warriors.  It wasn’t long ago that they used to enjoy playing outside in the sunshine, enjoying each day to the fullest extent possible.  Now that they’ve piled on the pounds of fat, and merely picking them up and giving them a hug has a good chance of straining your back.

Is there any way to get your fat kids off the couch and get them to exercise, or at least move their arm and leg muscles more than their bowels?

Stretchkins website — www.Stretchkins.com

What’s this?  Stretchkins?  A toy that can help get those lazy kids off the couch and to dance around and exercise?

an older Stretchkins TV commercial

Is it true?  Is there a faint glimmer of hope that an item can get the kids off the couch and to jump around and play, for at least a few minutes?

Perhaps there really is some hope for America’s future.  This almost sounds too good to be true.  Let’s take a closer look and review the advertising for the Stretchkins and try to see if this really is a useful product, or if it’s more of a scam.  We’ll be examining the commercial that plays on the Stretchkins’ website, and NOT the YouTube video.

The TV commercial for Stretchkins begins with a call to action by a woman telling kids that it’s Stretckins time.  Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy!  I can hardly contain my excitement knowing that it’s now Stretchkins time!  I certainly hope that the product can live up to all of this hype about “Stretchkins time.”

Wait a second.  Do you mean to tell me that “Stretchkins time” is really exercise time in disguise?  How does that saying go?  “Fool the kids once, good for you.  Fool them a second time, no challenge for you because they’re stupid thanks to today’s heavily dumbed down education system.”  Yeah, that sounds about right.

The voice-over in the advertisement describes the Stretchkins as being “life-size,” but we really don’t know any true dimensions of the Stretchkins toys, both regular size or stretched.  All we really know is that the product’s website claims that the Stretchkins toys “Stretches up to 4 feet WOW!”

Here we have a quick scene showing a girl doing leg lifts with her Pretty Unicorn Stretchkin toy.  What’s amusing is seeing the two girls in the background as they stand and hold their Stretchkins.  The way that they’re holding the elastic toys it looks like the Stretchkins have short arms but really long legs.

The advertisement has already established the Stretchkins as a toy to use while exercising and dancing, though we really know that “exercising” really translates to “mainly stretching.”  It’s not like kids are going to strap on their Stretchkins and use them while doing push-ups or sit-ups, or while running laps around the track.  If I showed up with a Stretchkins in karate class, oh boy.  Wow.  Let’s not even go there.

So what else can you do with a stuffed animal toy that’s primarily marketed as something to use while “exercising” and dancing?  What else are you supposed to do with it when you’re not sweating on it?

We’re meant to believe that the Stretchkins are to be used for “every type of play . . .” from sleeping (how in the &@^# is sleeping considered as a “type of play”?) to riding on a Big Wheel to just goofing around.  Is it appropriate to use the Stretchkins when playing outside with water guns or at the swimming pool?  How about when sitting on the couch and playing video games?  Are Stretchkins allowed to join in that special “hugging” game that Mommy and Daddy play late at night in their bedroom?

So how does Stretchkins work?  Is it complicated or dangerous?

Apparently all you have to do is slip your hands and feet within the elastic bands on the Stretchkins animal’s hands and feet.  That’s it.  You don’t need a preschool graduation certificate to figure out how to operate this stretching, stuffed animal toy.  Now you’re set and ready to have some serious, motherf&*king fun.

And just how much fun are we talking about?  So much fun that it cannot be discussed, just like that special business that your “friends in low places” operate late at night in the backyard of that abandoned house on Tacoma Street.  Stop thinking about it, dammit.  Nobody actually saw you doing business there, right?  It’s going to be your word of an honest and morally upright citizen versus that of hardened criminals.  You removed all traces of any evidence connecting you to that “store,” right?  Good.  Now stop worrying about it and get back to focusing on Stretchkins.

The Stretchkins TV commercial shifts back and focuses again on kids dancing and having fun while playing with their Stretchkin stuffed animal toys.  There’s even a hip little song to go along with all of the action on screen.  Weeeeeeeeeee!

The advertisement even goes so far as showing a little cheerleader using her Stretchkin while jumping in the air and doing a split.  When kids reach the age to have those kinds of abilities, are they really going to be scene in public with toys like that?  Possibly for girls, and I’m talking about a small percentage here, but most likely not for boys, unless they enjoy being ridiculed and beaten to a pulp.  You call it “bullying,” everybody else calls it “correcting a social problem.”

So what else can kids do with their Stretchkins toys?

They can even sleep with them.  Just make sure that “sleep” really does mean to physically rest, nap or sleep, and not how it’s used on television like when the sketchy guy “sleeps” with a dozen women, two horses and a corpse.

So are these Stretchkins stuffed animal toys easy to clean?  The website doesn’t mention anything about them being easy to clean.  This is a toy being marketed as something to dance and exercise with one moment, and then to cuddle and hold while sleeping.  Last time I checked, toys tend to get dirty when kids play with them.  If the toy is next to their body when they’re actively running around and playing, then it’s going to feel like a towel when the kid starts sweating on it.

Do you want your kids taking something dirty and/or sweaty into their bed with them, especially in today’s germaphobic world of ours?

Question: When is it correct to give a Stretchkins as a gift?

Answer:  At any occasion!

According to the advertisement, the Stretchkins is “. . . the perfect gift for any occasion.”  Is you son going to have a big birthday party with all of his friends?  Get him a Stretchkin toy!  Did your little ballerina fall and break her ankle?  Get her a Stretchkin toy!  Are you and your spouse getting a divorce?  Get the kids Stretchkins so that they’ll have some comfort to help with their emotional pain and suffering from the intentional splitting of their family.

The end of the Stretchkins’ commercial has the big promotion.  In this case it’s not one of those buy-one-get-one-free deals like you normally have with these as-seen-on-TV products.  Here it’s mainly a push to just buy the product and pay the shipping and handling fee for each one.  Yeah, I know.  It’s not really going to drive parents off the couch and into their wallet to get their credit card.

How much do the Stretchkins cost?

That depends on which Stretchkins character / animal that you want to purchase.

The “classic” Stretchkins are the Playful Puppy, True Blue Elephant, Pretty Unicorn, Striped Tiger (spelled as “Stripped Tiger” in the fine print at the bottom of the Stretchkins’ website), Red Dragon, and the Jumping Frog.  Each of those classic Stretchkins costs $19.95 plus $7.95 P&H.  It’s implied that you have to pay a P&H fee for each Stretchkin toy.

When purchasing a classic Stretchkin toy, there’s a promotion to also include a Mini Stretchkin character and a DVD to go along with the toy, all for a separate $4.95 P&H fee.

Take note that the bottom of the Stretchkins’ website mentions that each online order will also have a $1.00 Web Service Fee (WSF).  The Web Service Fee is widely regarded as a petty excuse for the online merchant to simply take a little more money from you.  Those people living in Connecticut, Nevada and New York will also have to add in a state/local sales tax.

But wait!  There’s more!

Stretchkins are also available in the four Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters:  Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael.  Oddly enough, Michelangelo’s skin looks much more yellow than green, and it throws off the orange color of his mask.  Anyway, each of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Stretchkins cost $29.95 each with a $7.95 P&H fee.  The Turtles also come with a bonus offer.  Instead of receiving a Mini Stretchkin and DVD, the Turtles’ offer includes a TMNT headband and matching wristbands, all for a separate $4.95 P&H fee.

TOTAL COST OF STRETCHKIN TOY:

– classic Stretchkin – $28.90 ($19.95 + $7.95 P&H + $1 WSF)

– classic Stretchkin with bonus items – $33.85 ($19.95 + $7.95 P&H + $4.95 P&H + $1 WSF)

– TMNT Stretchkin – $38.90 ($29.95 + $7.95 P&H + $1 WSF)

– TMNT Stretchkin with bonus items – $43.85 ($29.95 + $7.95 P&H + $4.95 P&H + $1 WSF)

So there you go.  Depending on which Stretchkin you want and if you want the bonus item, the cost is going to range from $28.90 for just a classic Stretchkin to $43.85 for a Ninja Turtle Stretchkin with the bonus items.  Shipping to Connecticut, Nevada and New York will also require paying a sales tax.

FINAL THOUGHTS

It’s easy to see that the Stretchkin is a plush toy that’s designed to stretch.  It’s marketed as a toy that can accompany kids while they dance, play and exercise.

One of the critical pieces of information that we DO NOT know about the Stretchkins is if they’re machine washable and easy to clean.  It’s not mentioned anywhere on the website or in the advertisement that we reviewed.  That’s kind of important to know, especially since kids will probably get this toy either dirty or sweaty if they use it as advertised in the commercial, and then take it into their bed.

One also has to wonder about the quality of the material inside of the Stretchkins toys.  This is a stretching toy that uses elastic, and that elasticity is going to depend on factors such as how often the toy is stretched, and the conditions in which the toy is stored.  Just how “stretchy” will the Stretchkin toy be a week or a month later?

As far as the advertisement go, do you really think that kids will attach the toy to their hands and feet and then use it while dancing and doing light exercising?  That’s going to depend on your specific child / children.  I’m guessing that a toy like this would work better for the preschool age than those of elementary school.

It looks like a product like this is more designed for girls rather than boys despite the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles characters.  These are still plush toys and not action figures.  These are also elastic toys marketed as being used with dancing and light exercising.  Gee, what would boys do with elastic toys?  If you answered, “Use it as a slingshot,” you win!

With boys you know that toys like Stretchkins are quickly going to be stretched to their maximum limits.  Boys will also test the elasticity, and if it has a good recoil, then the toy will quickly become a slingshot.  Should that happen you’ll also see water balloons, chicken eggs, rocks, and flaming bags of dog sh*t soon flying through the air and landing on the neighbor’s house.  Come on, like you didn’t see that one coming.

To me, it seems like the Stretchkins are an expensive way to get kids to move around and exercise.  This is summertime.  If you want to see kids running around and having fun outside, all you need is some will power.  You can get them some cheap water guns, build them a backyard water slide, send them on daily scavenger hunts throughout the neighborhood, take them to the park / local playground, or just yell at them to get out of the house.

But that’s just me.  Your experience may vary.  Don’t take anything written here seriously.

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All of the Stretchkins commercial images are screenshots of a TV commercial currently available on YouTube and the product’s website.  For more product information, please visit the company’s website at www.Stretchkins.com.

Stretchkins is a registered trademark.

RellimZone.com is not affiliated with Stretchkins.